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: Evgenie Medvedev 2:5020/207.207 p 07 98 09:44
: All 09 98 19:03
: FWD: Ranma 1/2 - Predictable

PING All?
Ranma 1/2 - Predictable.
Hey, all._ I ve been a lurker for all of one week now, and I ve finally
found the time to put this on._ It s short and painless, so I d really
appreciate any comments on it. ^_^_ Thanks.
Oh yeah-- Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted by Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, er,
Viz, too, I believe... now, on with it:
______________________________________
The Sunday morning sun creeped into Nerima, pouring itself liberally onto
sidewalks, dancing through trees, sweeping over joggers, and wandering into
Akane Tendou s blinds. The sun s fingers swept gently across her eyes,
waking her rather rudely. Akane yawned, as the sun crept even further into
her room. Then she stood, scratching her head groggily and heading towards
her closet, looking for something to wear. "Hm, this looks okay. I hope
today s not gonna be a scorcher, like yesterday." Akane held up a pair of
shorts. "Summer s been so boring. All Ranma does is work out and eat,
Nabiki is always gone, Kasumi s always busy, and all my friends at school
seem to be gone all the time. I guess it s going to be another fanfic in
where I won t have a social life so that the plot moves to the point where
Ranma and I can advance our relationship some more, and so that all the
others can pair up in wierd ways as a result of us getting together. Then
what should I wear? A tight shirt with no bra on underneath?" Akane thought
about this a minute, and frowned. "Nah, my back still hurts from that last
lemon fic that we did." Akane kept the shorts out and stepped over to a
drawer. "Well, it doesn t have to be a lemon, how about I just give Ranma a
nose bleed instead?"
Akane smiled devilishly, and began to change out of her nightclothes.
***
"So, Saotome, wanna bet on who gets together in this one? I ve got three to
one odds today that Ryouga gets with Ukyou. Whaddya say?" Nabiki brushed a
lock of auburn hair off of her face and flipped a couple of beads on her
abacus. "And it looks like TV season one is paying off, big time!" Nabiki
smiled and wrote down some notes in a book.
"That s nice. If you re getting so much cash, do I still owe you that 5000
yen?" Ranma said in between bites of rice.
"Absolutely, any other way would be bad for business, dear Ranma." Nabiki
frowned for a minute. "You know, I wonder why nobody has written me with a
calculator instead of this horrid abacus, yet. One would think that I would
have enough money to buy one." Nabiki shrugged. "Well, maybe next--"
Nabiki s abacus and record book disappeared into oblivion, and in its place
appeared a lap top computer, turned on, with the figures that Nabiki had
recorded straight in front of her. Ranma stopped in mid-bite to witness the
change.
"Man," Ranma grumbled. Some rice flew from his mouth as he spoke. "How come
I don t get cute little toys like that?"
"Oh my. Don t complain, Ranma-kun, it isn t polite." Kasumi entered with
another plate of food, and just like clockwork, Genma panda materialized
before Ranma, trying to take his food from him. Kasumi smiled. "Besides,
Ranma-kun, all of those nice lemon writers make sure that you get laid much
more than all of us. Oh my, I wish that that catch phrase wouldn t appear
in so many sentences, oh my."
"Well, Sis, it s like I say..." Nabiki was fidgeting with the built-in
mouse on her laptop, while Ranma and Genma fought over Ranma s bowl.
"...you do something a couple of times on TV, and those fanfic writers go
beserk. Just look at me, for example. I sell a couple of photos to
Kunou-baby, and almost every time I m put in a fanfic, I m getting enough
cash from Kunou to buy Japan ten times over. The best part is, nobody puts
a limit to Kunou s fortune, so we all win in the end!" Nabiki looked up, to
see her father crying in a corner.
"That s easy for you to say, Nabiki," Sobbed Soun. "Look what they ve
reduced me to." Soun continued to weep and Kasumi rushed to his side,
quickly, with a box of tissues in hand.
"Oh my, Father, whatever are you crying for?" Kasumi smiled, of course, and
a ray of sunshine brightened behind her.
"Because, I m so ha-ha.." Soun blew his nose. "I m so happy that things are
redundantly normal for our standards of liiiiiiiiiiife..."
"Oh my," Whispered Kasumi, as she handed Soun another tissue. "I wish that
I would stop saying, oh my ."
Nabiki looked towards Ranma and Genma, whose input in the conversation was
far beyond lost, due to their extensive fight over the last bite of rice in
Ranma s bowl. Nabiki noticed Akane descending down the stairs behind them,
clad in a black leather outfit that was low-cut to show maximum cleavage,
and high-cut to show maximum thigh and hip. to add to the ambiance of the
outfit, Akane wore black leather boots that went just above the knees.
"Morning, Akane," Nabiki said in a casual manner. "Want to bet on the
Ryouga and Ukyou match today? It s three to one odds."
"No, that s okay, sis," Akane said as she took her spot next to Ranma.
"With these newer fanfic writers and their growing knowledge of Akari, I
wouldn t be surprised if Ryouga got with her this time." Akane grinned, as
Ranma hadn t noticed her yet. She gently put a hand on his shoulder and
said in a voluble voice: "Good morning, Ranma."
Before looking at Akane, Ranma began to speak. "Yo, Aka--" Ranma turned
around, and froze for a minute. Genma took Ranma s bowl with ease, leaving
the room laughing in any way that any panda would. Ranma blinked, and a
small droplet of drool trickled out of the corner of his mouth, seconds
before his nose spurted blood. It gushed in a perfect arc, flying over
Akane, and spattering across the back of Soun s gi, who continued to cry.
Nabiki and Kasumi both applauded at the same time, and held up score cards
in the air. Kasumi s read a gracious 10, while Nabiki was less generous
with her 9.95.
Ranma realized what had happened, and wiped his nose. "Is-- are we
scheduled for ANOTHER lemon fanfic? I thought that the next one was in two
weeks!!"
Akane laughed, and filled a bowl full of rice for herself. "Nope. This was
just to be funny." She proceeded to eat her breakfast, while Ranma cleared
his throat, for his famous catch phrase.
"You.."
"No, Ranma, for the sake of differentiation!" Nabiki and Kasumi yelled in
unison.
"are.."
Soun held his breath.
"so..."
Genma yawned.
"UNCUTE!!!!"
Akane yawned, casually reached a hand into mallettspace, and hammered Ranma
into the floor. She then spouted a lazy, "Ranma no baka." and finished her
food.
***
"KIIIIYYYYAAAAAHHHHH!" A fist shot into the air, and Ranma s kata was
complete. Akane was located against a wall, now clad in a white T-shirt and
cut-off shorts. She gave Ranma a "thumbs-up" and walked towards him. Ranma
gave Akane a funny look.
"What?" Akane looked up at Ranma and folded her arms.
"Well, this is interesting, Akane. Isn t it true that you should be the one
practicing, because I ve scarred you again with another insult to your
obvious femininity, simply because I m afraid of commitment so each time I
think you re cute, I push you away by insulting you and calling you names,
so now you re trying to work off some steam in the dojo by practicing your
martial arts, and once more I walk in, scrutinize your technique, you start
crying, I apologize in a akward manner, and then we have one of those
moments in where we realize that we do love each other--" Ranma suddenly
stopped and fell to the ground, out of breath.
"Ranma, you dolt," Akane giggled. "You really should learn about doing that
when you re out of breath. Don t you read the narration ahead of time? If
you look at more fanfics, you would know that in most of them, you re the
one that ends up in the dojo more often because you re always contemplating
about what you re going to do with your future, pondering whether or not
you re going to continue the Art, or battling in your mind about unresolved
feelings about me because the writers see this dojo as a good place to
focus your energies because of the pretense of serenity within it, despite
all of the crap that takes place--" Akane keeled over in mid-sentence as
well, just as out of breath as Ranma was.
Being unconscious, Ranma and Akane lay still in the center of the dojo.
About half an hour passed before Soun passed by with tears in his eyes and
saw the two of them lying together on the floor. Sighing, he sobbed, "I m
happy that you two are finally together, but really, I hate cleaning up
after you two, when I want to use the dojo." His voice trailed off, saying,
"Ah, I remember back when the dojo was used for practice, and now look at
it. I ve got to talk to those lemon writers..."
Akane sat up, looking down at Ranma. "Aww, he looks so cute when he s
unconscious. Almost like a baby." She brushed down some of Ranma s ebon
hair with the tips of her fingers, and sighed.
"Am I really that cute?" Ranma sat up looking into Akane s eyes. " Cause,
you know, you re not all that hideous yourself." Ranma smiled and put a
hand on Akane s face. He bent foreward to kiss her, slowly, but Akane
pulled away before Ranma could make contact. "What?"
"Ranma, I know you re only saying that because the Fanfic Writer of the Day
wanted you to. So, I m not going to listen, if that s okay with you." Akane
looked sadly at the floor. "But that s too bad, because I meant what I
said."
"WHAT?" Ranma sat up straighter. "So you re saying that I m just being a
phony? How rude of you!" Ranma pouted and folded his arms.
"Aww, don t get all pissed off, Ranma! We re only doing this because we re
written this way. Now if it were up to me, I d just kiss you right here,
and go and have a normal life where I can do what I want without any writer
screwing aroud with stupid twists about how you die, of about how--"
Ranma rolled his eyes.
"What? Ranma, this is serious! We re just puppets, waiting for someone else
to put us the same situation in where we use our catch phrases, bring out
the most promininent parts of our personalities and exploit them, AGAIN,
and what do we do? When do we live normal lives??"
"Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, unless we re scheduled otherwise." Ranma
said plainly.
"AAAARRRRGGGGHH, this is crazy! Ranma, I care about you so much, and... oh
God... that s only probably just because somebody wrote me that way! It s
not fair! I can t love you, Ranma, not for real!" Akane s eyes widened and
she covered her face with her hands.
"Yes! And for God s sake, can I please stop crying now?!?!? That s enough!"
Soun attempted to walk into the dojo, and crashed in to the side of a wall
outside. "Come on now, I ve cried so much today that my eyes are all puffed
over and I can t see! That s enough now!" Soun sat on the ground, and
sighed, still sobbing.
Kasumi followed quickly, with a first-aid kit in hand. "Oh my, yes, and I
am so tired of saying oh my . Can t you people come up with better, more
intelligent dialogue for me than that, please?" Kasumi knelt down, gently
laying bandages around Soun s head.
"And," a wooden sign read, "I only seem to appear in this story to steal
Ranma s food." The sign flipped over, revealing, "Can I have a bigger
part?"
Nabiki walked into the dojo, because that s the way things were written.
She plugged her computer into a convenient outlet in the wall, began typing
away, until she realized that everybody was waiting for her to complain to
the writers. She looked around, and shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, as long
as I get cute little toys like this, they can write whatever they want."
"Oh my, Nabiki-chan, you re not helping." Kasumi stood and sighed, before
yelling. "I DON T WANT TO SAY THAT ANYMORE, NOW PLEASE STOP!! OH MY!"
Kasumi sighed, until she realized the last thing that she had said.
"AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Kasumi kicked a hole through a nearby
wall, with no effort, and growled. "Now, look what YOU MADE ME DO! I M
SUPPOSED TO BE NICE, AND ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO TONE DOWN ON THE CATCH
PHRASE! OH MY, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!"
Soun stood, growled, and faced the sky. "I believe this is getting a little
bit out of hand! Could you please write us into something a bit more
docile, please?" Soun walked around a bit, repeating himself until he hit
another wall.
Genma held up another sign. This time, it said, "Hello, you forgot about me
again!" Genma reached onto the top of his head and pulled at a zipper that
made the panda suit fall to the ground. Genma stood on top of the suit,
still talking to the writer. "NOW will you pay more attention to me? I want
a bigger role, dammit!" Genma reached into Hammerspace, taking out a
bullhorn to talk through. "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??? I DIDN T HAVE TO MARRY
NODOKA AND HAVE RANMA, YOU KNOW. I COULD HAVE KILLED HIM AS A BABY, AND
THEN WHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR PRECIOUS STAR OF THE SHOW, EH?" The
bullhorn blared so loud that police sirens were heard coming towards the
Tendou Dojo. A pair of policemen came and arrested Genma for disturbing the
peace. "Let go of me! I have my rights!" Genma continued to struggle, and
soon got into a fight with both of the policemen.
Nabiki blinked at the last paragraph of the current fanfic and looked up.
"Now, that was just out of spite, wasn t it?" She quietly turned back to
her laptop.
Through all of the chaos, Akane whined and stomped her foot. "This is just
plain stupid, who would read this anyway?" Ranma grabbed Akane by the
collar and swept across her lips with his own. Surprised, Akane blinked and
looked at Ranma. "What was that for?"
Ranma shrugged and grinned. "Akane, do you think we can move that lemon
that s due in two weeks to today? Do you think they would mind?"
Akane shook her head. "Sure, why not?"
Ranma and Akane stood next to each other, watching Soun begin to cry again,
because of his lack of vision. They then turned to Genma who was now
dodging gunfire, over to Kasumi yelling, "STOP WRITING, STOP WRITING, STOP
WRITING!" over and over again, and finally looked at Nabiki, who still
continued to work on the laptop. Akane sighed one last time, shrugged her
shoulders, and pulled Ranma into the house.
"Yeah, Ranma, let s definitely move that lemon up to today."
The End.
_______________________
Author s notes: Well, what d you think?_ Every time I look at it, I want to
do something different to change it, but I haven t._ Just wrote it one
night, because I just really wanted to try and write a fic. ^_^
A couple of other fics that I wrote are at http://ranma.tnug.net (The Ranma
and Akane Shrine), in case you liked it._ Bai-bai!
-Laura Hendricks (pink@community.net)
Evgenie Medvedev AKA Express AKA Nozomu AKA Hematite [RAnMa][Team CPT]
express@orc.ru, http://www.orc.ru/~express
... , , ...


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